Loving Well...

My sister asked me recently if I thought I would find myself holding back from Kelvin and Hawa, trying to protect myself from that moment when I have to say goodbye. I thought it was a great question. I am thankful to know my answer, without a shadow of a doubt.

I want to love them fully, for every moment that I have to do it. I want to pour into them everything I possibly can, without holding anything back. I want to love them and hold them and bond with them. I want to memorize their faces and their voices, to remember what they say and how I feel around them. You see, I know it will hurt to leave them. No matter what, it 's gonna hurt. The memories we take with us will be bitter-sweet too... precious, and yet raw. How can I hold back from loving them just to protect myself from part of that hurt, when I will still feel the pain? We would all miss out. So, I want to love them well. It is very possible that this will be my only chance to love them (hands-on) at all in this life. I can't pretend otherwise. How could I let that opportunity pass just to selfishly protect myself from pain? I would regret it for the rest of my days. That, I couldn't live with.

Saying all that is much easier than doing it, and I may still fight with the natural urge to protect myself from bonds that will tear at my heart when we say goodbye, but I am resolved to put it all out there, and love them well.