Four Days...

Deep breath. Now... exhale.

I am finding it hard to breathe in moments. I am finally beginning to realize that we really ARE going to Liberia... and in a really short amount of time. We really WILL meet our children, and I really WILL get to hold them. I think I have come to hold very loosely to things, including my expectations, in the last 3 years (which is an overall good thing in my estimation) and that causes me to not to feel as attached to things before the Lord releases me to feel it. So many times, I've needed to let go of the emotion of a situation, and move forward with only faith in the ONE who holds all things together. It's like the Lord has asked me to let go of my way, and wait on him. That's all good, and yet it needs to be balanced with the fact that I am a human, and I do have emotions, and I do feel things. I should feel things, and yet the "feeling" of the circumstance cannot be allowed to rule my heart and my actions. It's been a strange lesson to learn, and a hard balance to strike. I tend to be an all-or-nothing kind of girl. Either I dive in with everything I am, or I give up before I start. I've had to practice being engaged whole-heartedly, and yet not give myself over to the temptation to lose heart and give up when things don't look like they'll turn out well. I must have needed a lot of practice because the Lord has sure exercised me in that area!

I digress. This is SO not clear... but I'm trying. The point is, this trip seems mostly real now, and at times, I literally have to tell myself to breathe deeply because I can feel the build-up of who-knows-what brewing inside of me. It feels explosive... in a good way.

Today, our church body prayed for us. They gathered around us and prayed that God would make the impossible possible... even that Kelvin and Hawa would be released against all odds and be allowed to come home. I love that they prayed that. It is not at all my expectation. I have no expectations other than to meet and love on my kids... but I want to KNOW, really KNOW, that God is able to do those incredible blow-your-mind kind of miracles, and I want to know that others are believing the same thing with us. And just because it looks dim, doesn't mean we shouldn't ask our "Papa" for big things, believing that he is able if he so chooses. He loves being asked, I think. It's like Shadrach, Meshach, and Abendego (sp?) saying that God was ABLE to save them from death by blazing fire, but even if he didn't, they would serve NO ONE ELSE. I want to have that kind of faith. KNOWING that God is able, but willing to lay down my will and even my life. Willing to see God leave my children to grow up in Liberia, and not in my arms, but continuing to ask that He brings them home.

So, four days until we leave. The other 8 team members met in North Carolina yesterday and had a "packing party". We were bummed to miss it, but couldn't really do much about that, being so far away! :) So- they have 16 packed bags, and we have an additional 4 all FULL of supplies for the trip, and mostly for the children at the homes! Yeah! Thank you to anyone who helped us gather supplies and donated things... thank you, thank you, thank you!!

We have the privilege of bringing the special manila envelopes from adoptive parents to their Liberian children in our luggage. I know from experience how wonderful it is to know that someone will carry your love to your children through that gift... and I can't wait to do that for them. I also know how hard it is to NOT be going, and to know that someone else is meeting your children before you are. It's really, really hard. So- pray for those families... that the Lord would give them peace and comfort and joy despite how hard this is on their hearts.

On to prayer requests:
~That God allows us to love Kelvin and Hawa well... not just in the "American way", as a friend of mine put it... with gifts and material things... but with things that are eternal. We desire opportunities to be true parents to them in the sense that we could be used to guide and direct their hearts and steps even after we've had to go home. We pray that our short amount of time together would be lasting and precious to them because they will be convinced that they are loved deeply, and are full of worth to someone on the world, and especially to God.
~Pray that all our bags would get to Liberia with no snags whatsoever. We have so many things packed that are essential for these children at the 2 orphanages, and so many things that are just purely to bring them some fun and joy... and we desire that ALL of it would be used for those purposes, and not be lost or misplaced or stolen.
~ We want to bring glory to Jesus' name in all we do. ALL. OF. IT. We can only do that if he fills us. We need that and we want that... all of us!
~Now, you can read the prayer requests from the last several posts, and just pray all those over again! :)

Thank you all for your prayer and your support. It's awesome to see the body of Christ love us so well. I can only hope that I love others as well in the future, now that I truly know what it feels and means to be on the receiving end. I'm so grateful!!