Then Came Yesterday...

So, on Tuesday, because of some letters from our Liberia director, I was getting the feeling that it was gonna take several months longer to get Kelvin and Hawa home than we were expecting. I struggled with that. From a purely selfish standpoint, we have been waiting for a year and a half to bring children into our family. And, here, as we were 3 to 4 months away from having them join us, we were being advised that it would be even longer. I felt unsure what to ask of the Lord anymore. I've been asking him for big miracles for the last year and a half. I've been sure that He is able to accomplish amazing things... but He has not chosen to say yes to me in those big ways. I have, however, been blown away as he meets me right where I'm at... in my need... and calms my heart and reassures me, and restores peace. That to me is miraculous in it's own way. So, anyway, I'm just not sure how to pray. Do I keep asking big things, even though the temptation for me is to be discouraged when He chooses not to do them? Or do I try to accept the reality of the situation and weather through whatever He chooses to allow?

I think the answer is both somehow, but I needed to ask him to encourage me. S0, I spent some time with him, and he, as usual, met me right where I was and gave me some amazing verses that were just like having him next to me, speaking them to my heart.

Psalm 111:7-9 "The works of his hands are faithful and just; all of his precepts are trustworthy. They are steadfast for ever and ever, done in faithfulness and uprightness."

2 Kings 23 - speaks of turning to the Lord with all of our heart and soul and strength

Isaiah 40:25-31 "To whom will you compare me? Or who is my equal?" says the Holy One.Lift your eyes and look to the heavens: Who created all these? He who brings out the starry host one by one, and calls them each by name. Because of his great power and mighty strength, not one of them is missing. Why do you say, O Jacob, and complain, O Israel, "My way is hidden from the Lord; my cause is disregarded by my God"? Do you not know? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. (emphasis mine) He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint."

That last passage in Isaiah was like a chastizement to me. Why am I complaining that God does not "see my cause"? He is the everlasting God. Enough said. But because he's not only firm with me when he needs to be, but also gentle because he loves me deeply, he goes on to tell me that while I will grow tired and weary (which I am), he does not. And if I hope in him, my strength will be renewed and I will be able to go on.

He was once again reminding me that this whole adoption thing is not about me. It's not even about Kelvin and Hawa (which goes against everything I feel). It is really just about Him. He will do what he will... and he has a purpose for it all, and he will refine us and grow us and test our faith the whole way.

So, Jason and I spent some time praying that our faith would be tested, and that we would pass that test and please the Lord. And also that he would do mighty things to get Kelvin and Hawa home soon, no matter what the world says... because our hope is not in the US paperwork, or in the Liberian government. Our hope is in the Lord.

THEN came yesterday...

...and I realized that what the Lord had impressed on us the night before was a preparation of what was to come.

We learned yesterday afternoon that adoptions in Liberia have been suspended. There will be no adoptions again until the country of Liberia re-writes their policies and procedures. We are still reeling from this very unexpected news, and don't have all the details yet, but it means that our adoption process halts right here, right now. It sounds like we can choose to pursue adopting Kelvin and Hawa... but that we do so with the knowledge that it will most likely take a very, very long time. Many, many months ... to maybe years when it's all said and done, we just don't know. Unless the Lord tells us to stop things altogether, we will not change course. Kelvin and Hawa are already a part of our hearts and our family, and we cannot imagine walking away from the hope we have to bring them home.

We covet your prayers. This is very painful. It feels very much like the miscarriage I had many years ago. We'll be OK, we know God is faithful. But this is hard. I am concerned about all the kids in the orphanage... the money they receive from the adoptions goes to feed all the children, so if adoptions are halted for a year or so, that will affect them significantly. I am concerned for Kelvin and Hawa... we already love them, and yet will not be able to be a family to them. I am also sad for us. All of the things that I have thought of and dreamed of... of beginning our lives with our new kiddos... it's all very painful to think about now.

Yesterday I cried a lot. Today I feel kind of numb. Disbelief. I want to handle this right. I want to take what I learned from the Lord on Tuesday, and apply it now. He knows our cause and he does not grow weary. Yesterday he led me to Zephaniah (not a place I usually spend much time).

Zeph 3 "Do not let your hands hang limp. The Lord your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing. ... I will deal with all those who oppressed you; I will rescue the lame and gather those who have been scattered. ... At that time I will gather you; at that time I will bring you home... "

As Jason said yesterday, nothing has really changed. We still do not hope in the US paperwork, or in the Liberian government... our hope is in the Lord. He is still in control, he still knows the outcome (He was not surprised by this), and we can still trust in his faithfulness. Now, if he chooses to do miracles, it will be that much more apparent to all those watching. I pray that's what's going to happen... that we will be in awe of how he works this out despite that it looks impossible.

Here are the details of this decision in Liberia:
"On Monday evening, the President of Liberia, Ellen Johnson Sirleaf, gave the following statement in her annual speech to the nation:"The gross mismanagement of the adoption program (which aims primarily at placing orphans in homes in the United States), by both Liberian and U.S. personnel in the concerned NGO is the subject of a report by a Special Committee which I appointed for this purpose. Essentially, we have discovered that many of the children in these orphanages are not in fact orphans but children taken from their living parents on the promise of support and a good life in America. Moreover, we found that young children were being sexually abused at some of these orphanages, while others including officials of government, have used the program to extort money from potential adoptors. We have thus suspended the adoption program until laws, policies and proper guidelines have been established and we have asked our concerned friends and partners in the United States to be patient as we try to correct the serious malpractices which exist. We expect the National Social Welfare Policy and National Adoption Act which will be submitted to you during the course of the year, will provide guidance and prevent such abuses in the future."

At this time, all adoptions from Liberia have been suspended. This includes adoptions in process as well as those that have been finalized in the Liberian court system and are awaiting visas at the U.S. Embassy. We do not know at this time how long the suspension will last."



"Oh Christ, be the center of our lives, be the place we fix our eyes."


Corrie asked me (Jason) to write a little bit too. I think there isn't much to add, but just a few of my own thoughts, much of which is similar to Corrie's. In all things (this included) I want Jesus Christ to have the pre-eminence. I desire to push on and lay hold of the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. This present time seems like hopelessness and suffering, but we know that suffering produces endurance, endurance produces character, character produces hope. That is pretty neat and worth pressing in for. Part of me doesn't know how much of this is a spiritual battle because we know we don't fight against flesh and blood. I believe that there are many lofty opinions and arguments that oppose God. Much in this could be part of it and so it is a time to be prepared to do sipritual battle. In the end, we submit to what the Lord has, and find joy in being obedient. If we are not, we trust always that he is faithful to refine us and bring us to where we need to be. God is good!